Wednesday, March 4, 2015

and so we wait


This space has lain quiet for quite some time.  Not for lack of want.  I couldn't even tell you how many drafts sit unfinished, their inspiration and momentum interrupted by a baby's cry, a little boy's requests for a fellow superhero playmate, a tickle monster, a snack..., or the shadow of guilt that creeps up on me that the paint needs touching up, that our belongings need packed, or at the very least that another load of laundry is waiting to be washed.  Perhaps this post too will suffer the same fate. This life, this is a juggling trick, a hurricane, a dance.


I suppose that can be said for all of life, each phase having it's own step, it's own rhythm.  At some point I know that Jon and I will find ourselves embraced in a graceful waltz and there are some days that the slow, peaceful, structured dance cannot come soon enough.  But even at moments when I long for life to slow down,  I know that when that day arrives we will look back so fondly on this time.  We will miss this wild West Coast Swing with arms and legs wildly flying in every direction, and at that moment, what I wouldn't give to be back here just one more time.


So, I take a deep breath and try to slow my own mind, calm my own soul.  And we sit here and wait on the cusp of our next adventure.  Within these next two weeks we will know what our future holds, or at least where our future holds.  And so I wait, and I breathe, and I pray.  Not for a specific place or program, but for peace.  I pray for peace in my soul, in Jon's soul, peace for this family, and peace for our loved ones.  I pray that we allow ourselves to trust in God's plan, embrace this next phase, wherever it may be. 


This wild swing we're dancing can be exhausting physically and emotionally, taxing our energy banks and all too often sapping our last ounce of patience.  But sometimes, during those quieter moments when I am able to take a step back from the chaos, I can see what a beautiful dance it truly is.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

these days

These days are filled to the brim.

They're filled with rain and changing leaves.  Soccer games and melt-yer-heart gummy smiles.  These days are filled with sweet baby snuggles and new adventures in homeschooling.  Dirty diapers and 5 year old boy jokes {you know the ones ;)...}.  They're filled with 4AM feeds and the excitement of the almost-within-our-grasp conclusion to medical school.  These days are filled with sweaters and rain-boots and baby tights.  Ninja moves and living room dance parties.   Pumpkin patches, crackling fires, cups of hot cocoa and the cozy nostalgia bubbling up from holidays past.  Nursing {the breast kind} and nursing {the hospital kind}.  They're filled with brand new giggles {ohhh those giggles!} and an eternal pile of unfolded laundry.  These days are filled with residency interview offers from all corners of the country and the anticipation of our next adventure.  They're filled with daydreams and hard work.  These days are filled with a never ending to-do list and time that flies faster than ever before. 

These days are like ones we've never had before and will never have again.

These are the days.

Monday, August 25, 2014

catching up

These past seven weeks have been a whirlwind and a blur, but somehow it seems this little girl has been a part of our family for all of eternity now.  Currently, we're enjoying some lovely cabin R&R with my family {oh how that grandma and those sisters of mine love to snatch up baby girl}, giving me the beautiful luxury of the use of both of my hands simultaneously.  holy. toledo.  sitting down.  in a chair.  at my computer. NOT swaying back and forth.  focusing on one thing for more than two minutes.  frickin' miraculous I tell ya.  And so, before this magical moment ends, a quick catch up:


Miss Cora is the sweetest little thing in this whole wide world {in my completely unbiased opinion}.  Such a content baby who truly only cries when hungry or tired.  And hallelujah my friends, she is a champ at sleeping!  Jon and I figure that we must have paid our sleeping dues last time around and earned ourselves a good sleeper this time.  Just this past week, she's begun to perfect her absolutely heart melting smiles and coos that keep her daddy, brother, and I wrapped around her tiny perfect fingers.


Mr. Sam,  aka the best and sweetest big brother in this whole wide world {also in my completely unbiased opinion}, has taken on the role of 'brother' like a champ.  Frequently asking to 'pet baby sister' and has an unlimited supply of hugs and kisses for 'Cowa Gwace'.  Another important role continues to be Assesser of All Poopy Diapers, a very important role indeed.  He has grown in leaps and bounds in his independence these past few weeks and takes so much pride in being Mommy's big helper.  Golly, that boy, I didn't think it was possible to love him any more than I already did, and that little fella', well he proved me wrong.

This mama manages to shower 2-3 times per week and due to this has become fast friends with my bottle of dry shampoo.  Most meals are eaten standing up and while trying to tidy up the living room/sweeping the kitchen floor/folding laundry/{insert any household chore here} during the two minutes Miss C tolerates sitting in her swing.  The majority of my time is spent feeding and cuddling my sweet girl on the living room couch while reading library books to my big boy.  Upon recently purchasing my first one piece suit since the age of 12 {seriously, this ol' belly has not been as ambitious in reclaiming it's former glory this second time around}, I had 'be kind to yourself, be kind...' on repeat in my head as walked into the dressing room.  I was mostly successful.

As for Jon, he is officially in his fourth and final year of medical school {!!!!} and as of Friday afternoon, has a full month off.  And so... drum roll please.... we will be taking advantage of our overlapping breaks from work and school to go on a cross country road trip to scope out some potential residency locations.  Be on the lookout for a couple of overzealous parents with a backseat full of crying kids in the neighborhood near you! ;)

p.s.  We also celebrated out 8th wedding anniversary earlier this month with a romantic stay-at-home date filled with roses, schmancy desserts and bubbly...


and a baby who didn't think it was her bedtime quite yet :)



Monday, July 21, 2014

welcome little one


Cora Grace
Arrived 7/7/14 at 7:50 pm
7.0 lbs 19.5 inches
<3 <3 <3

**According to Sam**
-"She's just like a diamond"
-"She's a beauty"
-She said her first word the same evening she was born, which was "grass".
-It is necessary for him to assess her poo at each diaper change.
-He brought a bag of microwave popcorn to the hospital to share with her the night of her birth.
-He insists she will not learn about princesses--super heroes only.

Friday, June 13, 2014

a waiting game


I was perfectly content waiting until July.  It is right around the corner after all.  And even as the every day aches and pain continue to grow and the waddling worsens, I was happy knowing that we had this time.  This one last time as a family of three.  This one last time to sleep until 8:00 a.m..  This one last time to get everything in it's place.  This one last time of calm before the postpartum storm.

And then Monday happened.  Something jostled me from my sleep at 2:00 a.m.  Probably have to pee, again, I thought.  But no, even only half awake, I realized this was different.  A contraction.  And another and another and another.  All consistently 15-20 minutes apart.  Uncomfortable but not terribly so.  And they just kept rolling in.  For hours.  I laid in bed, keeping track, trying not to wake Jon.  When the doctor's office opened later that morning, I called in to report the situation.  At only 35 and 1/2 weeks I was slightly worried that this was too early.  My doctor didn't seem to share the same concern and told me that if it progressed, to head on in to the hospital.

My apprehension quickly turned to excitement.  And I suddenly didn't care that baby girl's clothes were still not stashed neatly in her dresser drawers.  Or that half of the baby equipment still remained covered in dust in the shadows of the storage room.  Or that I still had plans to buy some new pajama pants, as to not be "that mom" in the frumpy old sweatpants at the hospital.  Or that Jon may still have some very important studying to be completed prior to his very important test which happens to be scheduled only one week before the due date.  Because suddenly, all I could think about was finally meeting her. Seeing her sweet little face, holding her in my arms and welcoming her to this big ol' world, I could think of nothing I would rather do.

But then, 8 hours after they began, the contractions began to decrease and become increasingly irregular.  And Jon sighed with relief.  And I did too, but only a little.

Even though I still have 4 weeks before baby is officially done cookin', I can't help but feel that I've been jipped.  Sounds silly, I know.  Blame it on the hormones ;).

It's just a matter of time now, a waiting game.

Friday, May 30, 2014

beauty advice {from a 5 year old}


"Did you paint your eyelashes again?
"Yes."
"With that tiny brush?"
"Yep."
"Oh.  Your eyes look pretty painted."
"Thank you."
"I wish you'd paint them a different color sometime, like red... instead of black all the time."

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

the progression of brotherly love & a few images from last month

It seems that I may have taken an unintentional month long hiatus from this ol' blog.   No worries, baby and I are healthy and growing bigger by the day {yes, both of us...}.  I think part of the absence may have been due to the fact that life has been a little off around here the past couple of months.  Jon's been MIA due to a particularly demanding rotation {i.e. 12+ hour days 6 days a week, poor fella'} while I've simultaneously been going through the exhaustion phase of the third trimester.  Seriously, if there were a nap taking competition, I'm pretty sure I would take the gold.  But now with only about 6 weeks left 'til D-day, I can feel my energy beginning to come back along with the realization that I only have 6 weeks to finish getting ready for this babe's arrival.  Oh my, so much to do!

Sam's been doing his own emotional preparations for baby sister's arrival as well.  Up through a week ago, I was feeling a bit worried about how he has been internalizing the way his life will change, but just within the past several days, it seems that he may finally be turning the corner.

1 month ago:  As I was changing my shirt, he looked at my belly and informed me, "I liked you better when you weren't so puffy."

3 weeks ago:  During night prayers, he put in a special request to the Big Man that baby come out a boy.

2 weeks ago:  He proposed this offer to a friend of ours who recently had a baby boy, "Can we borrow your baby? Because then we could have your baby and you could have our baby."

1 week ago:  "Well, one thing baby sister is good for is that she can be Catwoman for Halloween and I'll be Batman."

4 days ago:  "Why does everyone think Queen Frostine {from Candyland} is so beautiful?  I think baby sister is beautiful."