Monday, August 29, 2016

on the first morning of second grade

Today summer came to an end.  And while I wish we were still on the beach with the sand between our toes, watching the sunrise over the Atlantic, I instead watched the sunrise through my kitchen window this morning, as I carefully cut the crust from Sam's sandwich and tucked it inside his new lunchbox.

I dropped Sam off for his first day of second grade today.  He barely touched his breakfast, too excited-nervous to notice any hunger pangs.  We danced to 'Uptown Funk' on our short drive to school and in my best DJ voice announced, "This song goes out to Sam on his first day of SECOND GRADE!!"  He smiled and danced and looked confident and cool.  I only had to blink back tears once.  We scurried down the crowded halls, found his classroom, quickly met his teacher, set down his overflowing school supply bags, and he slid into his desk as the teacher handed me some forms to sign.  As Cora and I were about to leave the classroom, I realized I hadn't given him a hug goodbye.  I looked back at him sitting in his desk, talking to his new classmates and weighed whether or not its socially acceptable in second grade to have your mother run halfway across the classroom to give you a hug in front of all your classmates.  While my heart said, "YES, totally appropriate for ever and ever amen!" my brain said, "No mama, he's good.  Not this time.  Let him go."  So, I took Cora by the hand, and we walked away.

Cora cried when she realized she wasn't going to school too.  I didn't cry this time.  Just felt a little empty inside and a little tight in the throat and maybe just a little bit wet in the eyes.